And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize