You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
