my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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