and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
