hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize