I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
