You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
