Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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