I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
