mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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