Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
