Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
