You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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