I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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