id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I need to align my fucking chakras
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize