Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I cockslap morals
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
