Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
