Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize