I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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