I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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