DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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