You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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