3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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