I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I cannot find my penis.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Every concussion has its silver lining
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize