i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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