His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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