You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
