Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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