They should really pass out barf bags in church
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize