he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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