so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize