I can text with my tongue
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
