why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
