She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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