I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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