What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
