I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
