But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
