just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Randomize
