You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize