She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
