Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize