Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
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