So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize