i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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