BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
