We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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