her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
