I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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