sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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