she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
