i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
