i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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