My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
