it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
