i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
this is an emotional support booty call
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You ruined the universe
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
