so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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