White coat. Heels.
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
