South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
if only i could text you this smell
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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