How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
