Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
