i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
