Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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