bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
