It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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