I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
