Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
