last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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