Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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