We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
